The Little Things

What is it that we miss most about someone when they're gone? It may or may not be the things we love most about them when they are with us. The things we miss the most are not always the most obvious. They are not always the large things. They are not necessarily the great achievements, the number of books published, the amount of money someone makes, the fancy car they drive. What we miss most are the small things. Sometimes they are the awkward moments, the moments of spontaneity, a tear shed at an unexpected moment, the thoughtful gift, the kind word at just the right time, the odd laugh, the warm and secure embrace in a moment of fear.

In Ben Affleck and Matt Damon's film Good Will Hunting, there is a moment when Will's therapist Sam McGuire talks to Will about McGuire's wife who died of cancer: "My wife used to fart when she was nervous. She had all sorts of wonderful idiosyncracies. She used to fart in her sleep. One night it was so loud, it woke the dog up. She woke up and asked, "Is that you?" I didn't have the heart to tell her. Those are things I miss the most, wonderful things, the little idiosycracies that only I know about. That's what made her my wife."

It is, of course, these little things that make us all who we are. It is those little things we miss the most when we lose something or someone precious to us.

Those of us who devote our life's work to children with deep needs share much in common. One of these is a passion for helping. But we all help in different ways. Let us struggle to celebrate the small differences we discover in each other, the small accomplishments our children make. It is these small accomplishments we will remember in the years ahead. It is the small differences we make in children's lives that our children's parents will remember us for. It is the small acts of devotion and kindness that we will cherish in each other.