Just a Little Bit Better

Ten years after Braulio Montalvo succeeded Salvador Minuchin at the reins of the Philadelphia Child Guidance Clinic, an interviewer asked him what the biggest difference was in his impressions of family therapy from the early days. He stated that he learned to expect less, that families didn't change as radically as what was hoped for when family therapy was nascent. Yet, what became clear to me after practicing family therapy for two decades, was that small changes in families were often perceived by family members as big.

As a couples and family therapist, I learned to ask a simple question. What is the smallest change that needs to happen in order for you to know that things are getting better?

When people were able to focus on making small changes, they felt better. Change did not have to be daunting, and they could see their accomplishments and feel good about their success.

As behavior analysts, we know this well. We are taught to shape behavior by breaking down complex behavior chains into their smallest parts, and we teach "successive approximations" until the complex behavior becomes seamless.

Can we apply our own methods to ourselves? What if we told ourselves, "what is the smallest change I can make in order to know things are getting better?" Would we choose not to focus on losing 20 pounds, but instead on 2? Would we choose to finally pick up the musical instrument that sits dormant, and practice for just five minutes a day? Would we choose to write one page of our dissertation or that article we have been intending to tackle, instead of focusing on completing the entire project?

I am a sixties (that's 1960's, not 1860's) musical fanatic. I can't help but think of Peter Noone singing the chorus of one of Herman's Hermits great songs: Now ain't that just a little bit better?