Invisible Rubrics

I have always loved my work, and have said that if ever the negatives outweigh the positives then it is time to reconsider my work life. At a recent supervisor meeting, I asked our supervisors for suggestions on how to make their lives at Pacific Child less burdensome. I wanted to know what they loved about their jobs and what they wanted to see different. Of course it was nice to hear about the positives, but I was concerned that people weren’t feeling safe to talk about the negatives. One supervisor used a phrase that I loved. She stated that she was afraid of the “invisible rubric,” and what I believe she meant was that she didn’t know exactly how she was being evaluated, and therefore carried around a lot of anxiety that what she was doing wasn’t what we, her supervisors, were evaluating her on.
It is always the unknown that frightens us the most, the monster hiding in the closet. And perhaps that is the greatest source of pain that the parents of our children with autism feel as well. The word “autism” originally meant “self-focused,” and focusing on oneself also meant shutting out the rest of the world. But if we truly believed there was no one hiding beneath the cloak of silent withdrawal we wouldn’t care much. It is that view, that there is someone hiding in the closet of our child’s mind that is so taunting. Who is this child? What is he thinking? What does he want? And what does he think of us?
In a strikingly parallel way, it is our children with autism who we believe lack the ability to determine (or even care) how others think of them (“theory of mind”). Our supervisors and staff work diligently to plant and nurture within our children the seeds of knowing and caring how others think about them, yet our supervisors themselves struggle to know what it is that they are being evaluated on, what it is that their supervisors think about them.
We are all evaluated by others, especially by those with whom we are close, continually. “Unconditional positive regard” was the watchword of the sixties, and it was as mythical as unicorns. So we struggle to know what it is that others expect of us so that we can choose freely whether or not we wish to jump through those hoops. But it is those invisible hoops that are the toughest, especially when the hoops are on fire.
So it behooves us all to make the invisible rubrics visible. But that is also a two-way street. When in doubt, ask those for whom we care what they want and expect from us, and let’s not be shy about making the deal go in both directions. Even those doing the supervision wonder and worry about how their supervisees are viewing them. Let us strive toward making our expectations clear, and let’s talk about it often and openly.